


Lost in your Memories

by Calyil



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Child Loss, F/M, Hurt Steve Rogers, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Miscommunication, Not Canon Compliant, Protective Steve Rogers, Reader Needs a Hug, Sharon is nice, Sharon needs one also, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve does not know how to deal with his emotions, alternative universe, hurt reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:08:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25539310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calyil/pseuds/Calyil
Summary: You and Steve have a good relationship. You know him. Or so you thought. He knows you. Or so he thought.Actually, you don't really know each other. And it's fine. Until it isn't.Until his past brings back his worse memories.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson, Peggy Carter & Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson (Marvel) & Reader, Sharon Carter/Steve Rogers (past), Steve Rogers/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Lost in your Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! 
> 
> Thank you for clicking on this story! Before you actually start reading, just for your information: English is not my native language, consequently, sorry in advance for any mistake! 
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy! 
> 
> The story might be confusing at the beginning, but don't worry, it will make sense later!

It was starting to be a little inconfortable for your own liking. You raised your head in order to look at your mother and smiled. You were sure that she was able to see how fake it was, because the sides of your mouth hurted ; but she did not say a word. She simply put her hand on her red napkin and started to unfold it in order to keep her hands busy.

You could feel the stress ascended your stomach. You were nervous, terrified and anxious.

Steve was _never_ late. Not on your own language and not even in his own. Because being late for Steve was being five minutes early. And he was fifteen minutes late now. Or ten. It depended.

You pushed yourself back into your quilted seat and checked the people around you. Well dressed, the patrons at their own tables were either chatting, laughing, drinking or eating. But definitively not waiting, looking like a deer terrified by the hunter, lurking behind some trees, ready to fire.

You really liked this restaurant, with its subdued lights and its soothing atmosphere. You could see some different shadows on the hessian of this huge tent, protecting you from the wind and the poor rain. The restaurant menu was a delight. No one was really left aside, as it was passing from some meat and fish lovers dishes to some gluten-free, raw vegan ones. You liked coming here. Because you did not have to think about the tastes of everyone.

Your phone ringged and you made a little jolt, pulled away from your contemplation.

_Steve._

If you were not in your actual condition, you would worried from the mere thought that Steve _Grant_ Rogers was actually using a phone with the intention of calling someone. And not butt-calling them. Or maybe he was. Butt-calling you.

You inspired gently, not wanting to alarm your mother who was probably making origamis at this point and answered.

You cleared your throat and kind of croaked an embarrassing " _Hello"_

" _Hey"_ He simply said. And foolishly, you imitated.

 _"I… I don’t think tonight is going to work."_ He added rapidly, his voice neutral at first glance or hearing. But you liked to think that you knew him. A little. Enough to know what the frown, displaying on his magnificently sculpted face meant when he was in the kitchen, early in the morning, trying to understand what differences all your bags of tea really brought. You liked to think you knew him, when he was coming late at night, trying to make no noise, but tired and left weary enough to make some anyway ; and you simply got up and watched him with a lazy smile, which he often returned.

So you knew him enough to know that his voice was not really neutral. But _sadden_.

 _"Oh. Ok."_ You simply said, _you too_ , at lack of better words. Probably taken aback.

 _"Yeah."_ He breathed out " _We can plan this for tomorrow?"_

You bit your bottom lip, enough to put some lipstick behind your teeth by inattention. You and your mother were not available tomorow, you were supposed to show her a little exhibition, taking place on some well known… place. Well, not known enough for you to bother remembering the name of it. But enough to make other people jealous.

 _"Actually, we can’t. But. It’s ok."_ A white lie. You laughed without humor, in order to relax yourself.

" _Oh."_ You were starting to think that he was under some anaesthesia or drugs because he started to sound more and more exhausted and weak.

 _"It’s ok Steve. I know how your work is."_

Could you really call that work, as if it was this simple? As if he was some kind of _employee_? As if he was not _killing_ people for the purpose of keeping this nation and others safe?

Only silence responded you and you started to doubt he was still here. You looked up for the first time since you picked the phone up and regarded your mother. Whom looked like a statue, not moving, fixing you with her eyes nearly wide open. Terrifying. You could nearly hear her asking what he was saying.

 _"It’s not work._"

 _"Oh"_ Your mom blinked. Once. This was becoming stifling. You blinked. Twice. This was stifling.

 _"It’s Sharon actually_ " You tried not to repeat the " _Oh"_. Even though, this time it would have been louder.

_"Well, I guess it was important, I-"_

_"It is"_ He said cutting you off. Defensive. No. _Agressive_. You knew that Steve was always asked to fight. Not to voice his opinions, not to find an other way to show his thoughts. He was always fighting. He was a captain. The Captain. And you. You were no fighter. Well, not like Steve anyway. You were not one to fight in order to prevent a fight. You knew there were other solutions. Talking, being one of them.

_"Ok."_

" _It is."_ He assured, for the second time. With more firmness. He knew how to fight, he excelled at it. However, this was worst.

You did not care that he was with his ex… Well put like this, it sounded weird. But you trusted him. And Sharon was nice. Not that you knew her that well. But you knew Steve. And more importantly you knew yourself. You were not a jealous nor overbearing girlfriend. He was a human being, not your possession. He could do what he wanted to do. It was trust. And respect. But he was supposed to meet you and your mother, for the first time. Well, met your mother for the first time, he had already met you. Clearly.

 _"Ok."_ You simply repeated, a little lost.

" _It is_." You could almost tast the invective in your mouth. It was not said, it was spat. You nearly lost it. Or you did. So you hid behind sarcasm.

 _“You know, phones are not working pretty well these days. I've understood the first time. The second one? Really good. But the third… Oh. The third. Could you please repeat?_ "

You knew that it was stupid to talk to him like that. For this on top of that. But you did not like the tone he was using. Being with Steve was actually complicated at the start. He was huge, a mountain of muscles, and you knew that he could be a little bit bossy. And you were scared. Because you did not wanted to have a authoritative boyfriend. To be honest, you were intimidated the first couple of times you met.

Thankfully, in the end, he had been nothing but sweet to you. You knew that his heart was made of the most precious metal ever: gold. But now… Now was a different story. He was not being the Steve you knew.

And probably for the first time in his life, Steve left a fight.

_He simply hanged up._

It was way too much inconfortable for your own liking. You lowered your head and stared at your hands. And at your ring. It was nearly mocking you.

You looked at your mom, your eyes bright with unshed tears. Your lashes wet.

 _“Work."_ You simply whispered. Picking the dry skin around your nails, causing you a little bit of pain. _A white lie_.

She blinked. Her heart bleeding a little bit for you, feeding your humiliation.

" _I know_." She said back. " _Work._ " She _simply_ added, shrugging with only one shoulder. 

Yeah. _Work_. Simply. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> You can leave kudos, or even comment, it's up to you! You don't have to though.
> 
> Have a nice day. Stay safe.


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